One week out from my first pre-professional theatre production (Cymbeline with Whirligig Productions in Milwaukee) has me pondering how I came to be where I am as a performer. When I decided to pursue theatre in Junior year of high school, I never pictured myself on stage in a Shakespeare show. In fact, high school me was fairly jaded with Shakespeare- a topic for another time, I’m sure. I imagined myself a blonde bombshell performing in musical after musical, settling down in Milwaukee to be the spunky side character in many a show. And yet, here I am in the summer of 2023 just closing my first Shakespeare show and about to jump into the rehearsal process for another. How did this happen?
The short answer is: injury. If that’s all you came for, I’ll spare you the details and emotions. In my sophomore year of college, I was dancing about 6 hours a day 5 days a week. This would have been no problem, except that I had a problem with my hip that had been worsening since I was a child. The strain of my chronic health issues and the dance was ruining my mental and physical health, so I changed my major to acting and that was that. I took acting classes, I fell for classical theatre, and I decided to follow that path.
The long answer is a process of coming to a deeper understanding of who I am as a person, helped along by what I discussed above. But let’s start back at the beginning. Junior year of high school, I took a chance to audition for the spring musical Fiddler on the Roof. At the time, I auditioned for any of the daughters, but I was especially excited about Chava. I fancied myself a dancer. Instead, I was cast as Hodel. This began my track of playing “characters no one else can play” as my director at the time put it. I had been singing for a decade at that point, and dancing just as long. But I hadn’t thought to put all three together until that point. I was also, as a side note, still identifying as a woman.
Senior year of high school began my trek into the technical side of theatre. Our department was small, small enough we only had enough people for deck, sound, and lights. No designers, no painters, no costumers, no choreographers. And it just so happened that for the fall play, we needed all new sets. When I was given the task of recreating a Medieval mural of death dancing with peasants for The Seventh Seal, I discovered two new fields I would grow to expand in. Dramaturgy and scenic painting. I then went on to paint a fair amount of the sets. Then when it came to the spring musical, I was given the job of student choreography for Damn Yankees along with a fellow classmate. I was also supposed to play Gloria Thorpe. But then the pandemic hit.
During the pandemic, I put my head down and began to do the work. I came into my freshman year with next to no understanding of professional theatre, questioning if I had a place in this industry, and desperate to prove myself. Acting classes excited me, my voice was progressing well, and amongst that I began to take a deep look at who I was. I vividly remember a meeting after class with my Acting 1 and 2 Professor, Jim Tasse, where I came out to him as non-binary and asked if I was going to ruin my professional life by doing so. He reassured me and from then on I began the process of socially transitioning.
Sophomore year, I struggled as I mentioned above with my health and finding my place in the department, eventually culminating in me switching my major to acting. It wouldn’t be until junior year, where I was fully out as non-binary and comfortable in myself and my expression that I would truly find my footing in Acting. But that process started in spring of sophomore year. I dove headfirst into Shakespeare, guided by the amazing Marcella Kearns, and found myself immersed in classical theatre. In Shakespeare I found parts of myself I had been disconnected to for long enough I forgot I could access them. It was truly the first time I felt free to play as an actor. Junior year only deepened that ability with Commedia dell’ arte, The Sparrow as directed by Marcella Kearns (once again, amazing), and the beginnings of clowning with Jeffery Mosser (another great professor).
Which brought me to a summer of puppetry and Shakespeare. I felt myself come to life as an actor. Something I think I never realized was a driving force in my life was combat. Stage combat became the key to me unlocking a focus and light in myself that I often found would get smothered by the actor side of my brain. Moving out into the pre-professional world, I have also found that I now believe I deserve to be here. I have a place in this industry as a playwright and actor.
Going into senior year of college- my last year- I want to continue growing on my own. I’ve met so many people who believe in me and my talent and my work ethic. This year is about putting in the work to exit school with all the skills I need to be a successful multi-hyphenate in my field.
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